Guess Who's Back? It's me, I'm back!
Posted on 23rd August 2023 at 15:28
It’s me! I’m back. Where have the last two months gone?
This year has both flown by and been so slow at times too, I really didn’t know what to do with myself.
If you want the full lowdown on the last 8 months, read on. If not, this is your TL:DR warning. Skip to the summary and enjoy the short version.
On 31st December 2022, I walked out on my fiancé and never returned. Happy New Year. We spoke for the next few months, but I would never see him again. We’re now on absolute zero contact. I wish him all the luck for the future and ask that any mutual connections treat him with respect because I, from my perspective, see us both equally as the villain and the hero of the last 7 years. He’ll have his own story to tell, but I blame us both and blame neither of us. It was just never meant to be.
A reason, a season, a lifetime, right?
For the next 3 months, I locked myself away, hiding from the world, trying to hide my anxiety and depression, which was both through the roof and through the floor at the same time. There were days I couldn’t and wouldn’t get out of bed, wash, and leaving the house was a big no-no unless it was for hospital visits or food shopping. In fact, I think we worked out that I’d only left the house 7 times in 4 months.
Very few people knew what was happening behind the scenes. MMIH was running as ‘normal’, and I just kept walking through hell. I’d been there before, and I knew at some point I’d find a way out, but it was hard. I felt so alone.
My best friends were there constantly and, without judgment, helped me put my life back together. From conversations in the middle of the night, to forcing me out of the house, to just checking in and making sure I had, in fact, washed and eaten that day. There were also ranting sessions, ‘poor me’ moments, general kicks up my butt and love. I didn’t feel it then, but looking back, I could see how much my friends and family loved me through those horrible few months.
May came around, and Sam, my bestie from school who lives in Spain, declared I was coming to visit her. She must have caught me on a good day because, within a matter of hours, the flights were booked. I’d be off to Spain on June 24th. Writing this now, I know that that day saved me. Funny because it’s a friend of mine’ birthday, and he’s been a big part of saving me too. Well, he’s certainly reminded me of who I am. That’s the good thing about friends from school. They have no filter, have known you through all stages of life and are great at reminding you of who the real you is. The universe was giving me signs in forms of people and dates and I needed that.
So, June 24th came around. I stood in line at the airport on my own, and I cried. I cried until I just didn’t have any tears left to cry. I felt so alone, and I knew that getting on that plane would change my life. It was the end of the first half of the year, it was the end of everything I’d known for the last 7 years. It was the end of the old me. I hated her.
It was a new beginning.
I arrived in Spain. The first thing I saw was Sammie standing at the gate with a piece of paper covered in hearts and a big ‘D’ in the middle. I felt safe. For the first time in a very long time, I felt safe. I needed this. Apart from the heat. Jesus Christ on a bicycle, it was hot.
Sam and I are in the same line of work, so we spent the next part of my journey working and having adventures together with LOTS of ice cream. There was even a point Jesus tried to kill me up a mountain, but that’s a story for another day. I’d put any new work on hold until August and ensured my current clients were looked after, and I was getting the break I so desperately needed.
Over the last month, the universe has been removing things from my life, reminding me that life is short, full of ups and downs, and I’ve watched people leave too. I’ve won an award (more on that later this month – super exciting), I’ve had a close family member diagnosed with cancer, I’ve laughed with friends until my belly hurt, I’ve cried with my family, I’ve been given a scholarship to continue my level 5 in mentoring, and I’ve appreciated every minute. I’ve been on adventures with my favourite people, had long conversations late into the night and I’ve smiled. I had forgotten what it felt like to smile. A real genuine, happy inside, smile.
So, to those who knew my secrets, had my back, loved me and looked after me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you to the moon and back, and I always will.
To Summarise (for those who didn’t want to read all those words)
- I’m single.
- Crap things have happened.
- I’ve been on adventures.
- I’m happy.
- Work is good, real good. I’ve won an award!
- I’m surrounded by the best people.
- I’ve binned or am slowly binning people off.
- I’m ready to fall in love with myself again.
- I’m ready to fall in love with life again.
MMIH is back and taking on new clients and mentees. (Those on my waitlist have either been onboarded or contacted, if you haven’t heard from us, hit me up).
I’ve learnt so much over the last 8 months that you’ll see a whole new side of me. A happy version of me that I lost a long time ago. You lucky lot are about to go on an adventure, and we’re going to have so much fun. We’ll grow together, build together and laugh together.
Here’s to the rest of 2023.
Until next time,
Dee – Miss Make It Happen x
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